i've been so happy recently *laughs* technically, it was since monday.

guess this must be how it is *smiles*

thank you for the certainty. thank you (:

@ 8:51 AM

ku menanti
dan tetap terus menanti
hingga kini
dengan ketabahan hati
ku mencari
akan kesilapan diri
selama ini yang tidak ku temui

ku menanti
bilakah kau akan kembali
hingga kini
tiada berita darimu
ku harungi
perjalanan hidup ini
sampai nanti bertemu di syurgawi

@ 7:01 AM

maybe "i'm sorry, please forgive me" isn't enough.
not maybe. it isn't enough.

certainty. uncertainty. certainty.
i'm just too scared to move.

@ 9:25 AM

Cassis by The Gazette

Always, over and over again
Always, I did nothing but make you sad
Surely I've hurt you, even now I still can't move

Why does it hurt so much to be touched by you?
Surely, the same things will repeat themselves
Because I'm scared I'll lose you

By drawing close I tried to wipe away
That day which I couldn't completely forget
You just held these hands without asking anything, didn't you?

Even if your feelings fade tomorrow
I'll still love you unchangingly
Even if you can't see me tomorrow
I'll still love you without fail

And we'll walk together, the future's not promised
it keeps walking together, to the future in which you are...

At least I can forget all the hard times
Thinking about you
Counting the number of nights I can't see you
My heart yearns for you

Inviting the loneliness of misunderstanding
Somehow, please don't cry alone
No matter how far apart we are
Let's believe in each other

I want to keep smiling like this no matter what
Not being made to hurt you
The number of time lapses are fading away
I don't want to repeat those feelings

Even if your feelings fade tomorrow
I'll still love you unchangingly
Even if you can't see me tomorrow
I'll still love you without fail

Somehow, please look only at me
Somehow, please don't let go of this hand

And we'll walk together, the future not promised
It keeps walking together, to the future in which you are...

all i want to say i can't say. when hope and delusion mix, we'll just live in a world of illusion.

@ 8:25 AM

guess what? i'm learning japanese in a rojak manner. *laughs*
seriously. all my katakana, hiragana and kanji are jumbled up together.
i don't even know words.

i learn character by character.

let's just hope there's a romanji-english dictionary somewhere.



i'm telling myself to stop hoping already.
but for once my head is listening to my heart.

@ 8:53 AM

FB ESP group is evil! doushite? cos it's making me frickin' jealous seeing

SAKITO's (FOREST-GT)
AOI's

and

URUHA's

guitars!!!!!

and then there's the ESP Sho-Ryu-Ken which is like, my dream guitar #2.

RAWRSS.

so we go on and on this merry go round,
trying to chase a love that can never be found

@ 9:51 AM

i really can't imagine life without music. that's like imagining night without lights, or stars, or moon. it'll just be so empty, and the world will be such a sad place. there'll be no... energy.

you know how nice it'll be if the best energy source is music? that way we'll never run out of energy. but music is not like fuels. it doesn't feed electricity. well, maybe it does, to your soul.

music is truly a universal language, isn't it? i think the best part about music is
1) when you listen to a song in another language that you don't understand, but you can really feel the emotion in the music
2) instrumental music conveying messages that stick to your soul, and expresses a thousand different things to you

for no. 2, my current example would be Utopia by Matenrou Opera. for those who haven't listened to it, i urge you, go listen to it. i think that's the most beautiful piece i've heard in a long time. it's wonderful to know wordless music is the best way to leave an impact on people. i've listened to the song on loop countlessly and it still never fails to move me.

*sigh* i really really love music, i guess. *laugh* and my guitar as well. even though i'm not as good on it as my brother. but i shall try my best to improve in it.

@ 9:35 AM

i'm in a songwriting mania despite my stiff shoulder/arm.

my head never agrees with my body. is that a mark of stubborness?

arigatou anzi-kun. utopia really inspired me (and brought me to tears despite it being purely instrumental) (:

@ 9:25 AM

finally the exams are done! writing close to 30 pages worth of papers in 3 days is enough to strain my hand. *laughs* that's a lie. it was already worn out due to guitar for the past few weeks. to put it in history exam terms, the terms just exacerbated it.

but songwriting is a... what do we call it? unprecedented process. it happens anytime and anywhere, at least for me. as long as words or a tune pops into my head, i end up sitting down and just sketching them out. and as for the chords, it's a case of testing chords. *laughs* eh, it's really not a nice way or correct way to write songs. no tempo and whatnot.

as much as the requirement for terms was to mug (which i never succeed at... i can't mug. it's not in my nature to sit down and just stare at a book for hours. i need music. i need distracting things like a ring, a pen, the internet, a CD, a book or just a pretty sky). i ended up songwriting. and now, by the end of terms mugging period, i have 4 songs completed. and neither of them are titled. i already named a song i wrote a few months back Unfinished. i can't name my songs Unnamed 1, Unnamed 2 etc., can i? but then it'll be like having my own jianizimu collection *laughs* gomen ne naitomea-san! jianizimu is completely yours!

and i'm actually pretty happy i finally got down to reading a proper book. my choice concurrently: Pride and Prejudice, and Darcy's Story. it took me until chapter 20 of PP to actually detect the humour in the book :/ BUT now i've detected it, i enjoy the book more.

What is more mortifying than to feel you've missed the Plum for want of courage
to shake the Tree? ~Logan Pearsall Smith

if i tell myself i didn't like you, it'll be a complete lie.
but because of who you are and who i am..
i don't have a choice but to wait.

@ 9:10 AM